Monday, October 12, 2009

Be Careful Out There!

I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call on Sunday.

I walked into Home Depot at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in a blue shirt with a orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted him out.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

Cute Joke

My doctor just told me the primary difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu.

With Bird Flu you need a tweetment, and with Swine Flu you need an oinkment.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Joke Time

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their lovemaking encounter. Her husband readily agreed.

It set a precedent -- this scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in sitting at the kitchen table, head in his hands. During the next few minutes, he explained that with the economy shattered, General Motors had laid him off from his well-paid management position. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and because he had counted on his pension, he never invested any money and they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than 40 years of steady deposits and interest -- the total nearly $1 million. The husband was starting to get rather excited, but then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the local bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her careful savings.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

They found him submerged in Lake Erie, in his favorite Chevy. Some men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

Humorous Images - De-Motivator Style

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Animal 'Toons

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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Who'd O' Thunk It?

About 30% of all men - married and single - who take DNA paternity tests discover they are NOT the father of a child they thought was theirs.

- Source: Playboy, October 2009

(Note: Of course, a greater number of men who are suspicious are likely to take the test in the first place.)

Monday, October 05, 2009

A Posting From Craigslist

Date: 2008-11-06, 4:01AM EST

I am a female in my mid 60's and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money.
I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home.

My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it.

I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better.
You may have guest over as long as they are cnfined to the bathroom as well. This might seem a bit odd but please remember the rent is $400 and the bathroom is large.