Top Ten Signs The Government Is Spying On You:
10. Post office wall has several photos of you sleeping
9. Your houseplant occasionally sneezes
8. Domino's keeps delivering to unmarked van parked across the street
7. Birthday card from your mom has several words blacked out
6. You get nominated for "Outstanding Lead Performance in an NSA Surveillance Video"
5. Your dishwasher functions are "Wash," "Rinse" and "Record"
4. Local news only reporting things that happen in your living room
3. Every time you say goodbye on the phone, you hear a strange voice say, "Roger that, Chico"
2. You googled a recipe for hummus and the FBI raided your house
1. [You] suddenly discover there's an antenna bolted to your ass
---Late Show with David Letterman